I’ve been having an internal struggle as of late. The struggle? A person who cannot accept their truth. When a person becomes so involved in what I like to call the “spiral of thinking” they start to believe a truth that is in actuality, a false reality they’ve created. A lie they’ve told themselves repeatedly. It’s not something that you can understand. At all. This person feels justified in their false truths, in the stories they’ve created in the corners of their mind about how things were, are, should be and possibly, will be. They won’t. Things won’t be. Not for them. I find myself losing sleep often trying to fit the puzzle pieces together of the little bits I do know. Nothing adds up. Nothing fits. I live the truth.
When we tell ourselves something that has no validity to it and we repeat it constantly in our minds, we start to believe that it may actually be true. It will be ours, the outcome we wished so hard for-regardless of the fact that there’s a huge impossibility-it will be ours. The impossibility is ever apparent too, like the first thing you see when you wake up in the morning. We’ve allowed ourselves to truly believe that what we want, we’ll get and we deserve it more than any other person. The mistake there is that no matter how bad you want something, it may not be for you. You may not deserve it. Despite believing that its part of your destiny, you really don’t know if it is. No one does. We can only hope and I think that’s where hope turns into that false sense of reality that we put so much stock into. Pointe blank, if something is meant to be it will be, and if you find yourself constantly wishing and hoping for something that never comes, it’s time to face the truth. Believe your truth. Don’t listen to the voice on the side of your mind trying to drown out the one in the back of your mind, to keep you from feeling the all-encompassing power of the truth in your gut. We call that intuition. Your gut-feeling, right? If something feels wrong when you’re doing it, stop. If you have to second guess whether you’re doing the right thing, stop. If you have to convince people of your truth, then it’s not your truth. It’s that lie you keep telling yourself over and over and over. It’s having self-control over your thoughts to know the difference between what’s real and what isn’t. What’s true and what’s false.
You shouldn’t have to convince someone to love you or to accept you. You shouldn’t have to convince someone who doesn’t love you, that they do. You shouldn’t have to convince someone that their worth is invaluable because you have yet to love yourself enough that you don’t value yours. There comes a point where you have to shake all the thoughts of what you think you know out of your mind and leave what you actually know in there-the facts. What are the facts that you’re left with when all that noise quiets down? What do you know and what do you think you know? What’s left? Probably not much, but the harsh face of reality staring back at you telling you to fucking stop. That it’s not yours and it will never be. They say were all destined for greatness and I believe that to a certain extent, but if you are a person who cannot accept the way things are in your life and constantly blame others for your shortcomings in love and relationships-you’re not living your best self and I think it will definitely affect the “greatness” we’re all supposed to be rewarded with if we lives our lives right.
Reality check: Eventually the truth will hit you and hit you hard, and you’ll doubt everything you ever knew to be true. I’ve been there. And now I’m back where I am meant to be. Until 2 years ago I was searching, a false reality that I was happy and where I was supposed to be, constantly silencing the voice in my mind, my heart and my soul. Ignoring those feelings and signs and not believing my truth. Telling people the lies I believed to convince them I was fine and living my “best life”. I so wasn’t. Today, I am living my truth. And it takes a lot of heartache to admit your truth to those you love. But the hardest person to admit your truth to, is yourself. To say, everyone else was right and I was living a lie I was telling myself constantly, was the most difficult. Today, I don’t have those false realities or false truths, thoughts of doubt or uncertainty. I am right where I am meant to be, I am on the path that was created and carved out for me to follow. In life, you know what belongs to you and what doesn’t. In love, you know what’s true and what isn’t. If you have to force something so hard to be yours and it still isn’t…it was never meant to be.
I live my truth now. You should too.